Like most people...I remember exactly what I was doing on the morning of 9/11/01...I was just getting out of bed when my mom called me and told me a plane went into the WTC in NYC...I was just like whatever...what a horrible accident...being Canadian..I didn't know much about the twin towers...we hung up the phone...I went and put CNN on the TV just in time to see the 2nd plane hit the south tower...thinking back...I think I went into some sort of denial...I tried to process it all...ok...planes hit the buildings...but the people on the planes would still be alive...not realizing that the planes exploded on impact...not fully understanding that hundreds of office workers would have been killed instantly...ok...well then they will get the people out of the buildings...fix 'em up and they will be as good as new...etc...and then as I watched the twins fall I was just numb...also thinking well obviously all the people were evacuated...it was just easier for me to think that way then the alternative...all those people that were killed in the towers and those killed when they fell...
Although I did not know anyone lost in the attacks...that day impacted me...I was getting married on the 14th...days later...one of my bridesmaids lived overseas...she wasn't able to fly over...also other guests were not able to fly in as well...planes were grounded....my flowers were also due to be flown in from South America...florist said they most likely would not arrive in time...the tuxes were also being flown in from Toronto...not likely gonna happen...I was pissed...I was 8 months pregnant being told my wedding plans were falling apart...I don't think it even dawned on me that my problems were nothing....3000 families somewhere were dealing with losing their loved ones and all I could think of was how dare those terrorists inconvenience my wedding day....
This guilt is eating at me this week....I am not sure why? Is it because I am now a parent and can't imagine losing my son or daughter in that manner...or because I'm being bombarded with 9/11 images this week and being 10 years older its a different process...I now know what really happened that day...the horror of the pictures...the documentaries on TV...its bothering me now....I couldn't get to sleep last night thinking about those images of bodies falling from the 101st+ floors...the despair they must have felt...regardless if they jumped, fell or were pushed out...I just can't imagine....or that couple on the 2nd plane...they were travelling with their 2 year old daughter...to know you are in a plane on a course for a building...what the hell do you do? Pray? Hug? Cry? I hope I never ever get put in that situation...least they all went together...I've always said I hope that when my time is up I don't have a few minutes to think about it....
Sept 11 has always been just another day for me...a day between my birthday and wedding anniversary...not this year...I plan to light a candle and say a few comforting words for those lost souls...I need to apologize for not caring about them 10 years ago...
I have been feeling the same way about 9/11 this year. Can't seem to stop watching all the anniversary shows they have been airing and feel so badly for all those who lost someone. Having to continually relive the nightmare with all the images and "specials" must be very difficult. I find it difficult and I didn't even know anyone who died:(
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