*Crickets chirping*

My brain is mush...I want to write something...anything...but I really am drawing a blank...it might have to do with the large glass of wine I just guzzled...complete with fruit flies...if anyone knows how to get rid of those little bastards let me know...we always get them this time of year...and they beeline it to my glass of wine...so I'm drinking my wine...listening to Loreena McKennit...and my fingers get the urge to type...Doug is yonder...making fun of me for listening to "creepy weird music"....its not creepy weird...its new age...I would get into my whole Medieval/old timey obsession...but I will save that for another post...it involves time travel and past lives...

So...

I'm still working on my appearance for Friday night...its no easy feat trying to erase years off your face...can you blame me...I will be running with a pack of girls in their mid twenties..mama gotta keep up...I don't want to be sitting at a table with them and hear the voice of Big Bird from the heavens sing that song from Sesame Street...ya know...it goes like "one of these things is not like the other".....

Yep...that is yours truly...me!

I was reading an article today...it stated that when women post pictures of themselves online..be it a blog...message board or facebook...well...these women alter their pictures to make them look better...a little photoshop here and there...I'm not having any of that photoshop editing bullshit...if you don't like how I look you can suck it... and yes... my grammar is horrid too....

That is a firming face mask....my skin is not that color...usually

Leah has been an awesome big sister lately....

She loves to help James go up and down the stairs...

There isn't really much to tell you...I updated yesterday...and well my life doesn't move at a breakneck pace...

My spray tan is tomorrow night...I will report back if I turn into a shade of oompa loompah....

Peace!

I haz the Monday Blahs...

I hate Mondays...which is strange, because you know, its not like I "work" any day of the week..so Mondays are essentially just the same as every other day for me...but I don't know..maybe its just hardwired in humans to despise the first day after the weekend...

It was a blah weekend too...I spent most of yesterday watching TV,working a crossword and kicking ass at online backgammon...Doug was home so he took the kids outside..I parked my fat arse on the couch and watched marathons of The Girls Next Door...for those lucky enough not to know what the show is about, its a reality show on the daily life of Hugh Hefner's granddaughters girlfriends....this dude is in his 80s and his three girlfriends are under the age of 25...these girls look like they just walked off the set of the latest Panty Raid movie...blond and plastic...they do nothing, but Hef pays them a grand a week for whatever...Christ, I would even give old Hugh a good pounding once in awhile for all the perks these bimbos get...but seriously, watch this show...Hef spends all day in these silk pajamas...I get it, when he was younger he rocked the silk pajamas...but that was the whole point of playboy...he had the women, he wore pajamas, he was the ultimate playboy...now at his age, it just looks like he is shuffling about the old folks home...making his way to the games room for a round of gin rummy...I wonder what Hugh's grown daughter thinks of her father...if I seen my 80 something father grinding on a 20 something blond..he would be shipped off to a home real quick...

This weekend I also colored my hair and gave myself a facial...I've got a big night out on Friday...its my future sister in law's stagette party...a limo will be picking me up, we are going to supper...then someplace else, then a bar...I don't want to share too much in case she is reading this *waves* and its supposed to be a surprise...but really, my mission of the night is to get carded...here in Canada, drinking age is 19...but they legally have to ID anyone who looks under 30...since, I *ahem* am over 30..I would seriously pee my pants if anyone mistook me as under 30...so I have my little black dress, sexy stilettos...which I can wear as I will be chauffeured all night..I just need to get a blowout, get my eyebrows waxed and get a spray tan...hell yeah I'm going all out...an opportunity such as this only happens every few years for me...

The kidlets are great...summer is winding down...hoping to get away to the US for a few days in September...I've been craving the Olive Garden for...well..since that last time I was there..a year ago...Olive Garden Lasagna is my favorite...last 2 times I've gone they were out of the friggin Lasagna...grrrr...come on...I drove 6 hours to eat there and they were out of my favorite...I'm calling ahead this time....

Peace!

A year....

This was supposed to post automatically yesterday but it didn't for some reason....

Daddy,

Today is officially one year since I said goodbye...I hugged you, kissed you...I whispered in your ear that I loved you and it was okay for you to leave...

I miss you and I can't wait to see you again...

I know you are at peace and smiling down at your grandchildren...

Here is a song for you....

I love you...forever and always...

Going to my happy place....

Happy Tuesday all!

Its a somber week for me...coming upon the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death...which is Thursday...so today I can say I hugged him less than a year ago...soon it will be over a year...

I love cats...they make me happy...so I found this video on the web and thought I would share...

Its full of cussing, so don't play it full volume if you are at work or around children...

I will watch this when I am sad and it puts a silly grin on my face...it pretty much sums up of the life of a cat....

I had a job interview this morning...we spent most of the time *not* talking about the job so I'm not sure if that's a good thing...if I get the job great, if not oh well...

Peace...

Sun and Sand....

Meow.... my darlings *cat stretch*

Its Saturday afternoon and I'm bored and tired....eating jellybeans to keep me awake...I have to be on my toes...lest I eat the popcorn flavored ones, or worse...the flaming cinnamon flavor...

So, I'm not sure if I told you all that my brother is getting married in October...in Jamaica...and yes, I am going...

Yes, this will be me in a few more months....

Laying on the beach....cocktail in one hand...another one in the other hand...

I am a little concerned about the sun and heat...so I will just have to make the best of it...slather myself in SPF 120 and hope for the best...besides, I'll be too drunk to care...

Since this blog is supposed to be about my children....my spoiled rotten, ungrateful children...that I just love so much....I better post some pics before you all forget they exist...

Hallie has been swimming really good this summer...she has abandoned her floaty ring thingy and will swim about the pool with a water noodle...I can't believe summer vacay is winding down...soon I will need to take her out for back to school shopping...I would rather shoot myself in the foot...she is so picky...

James is growing like a weed...he is still a boy of few words...he just loves to grunt, fart and play with his penis....reminds me of his father....

Leah....Leah is the anti-Hallie...what her big sister didn't do growing up..Leah does...Hallie was terrified of water as a child...Leah? She thinks she should be able to dive off the diving board and go down the slide...I'm tempted to let her do it...ya know, for shits and giggles...she can talk the talk...but can she walk the walk???

Well, I'm bored already of writing...I should go find something to do...like laundry, dishes...

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

My reaction to a reaction....

Well, well...I got my first hate mail *woot,woot* I feel so proud!

It went something along the lines of...that "I must not love my kids if I call them little monsters"...and something else about "using too much foul language when talking about mentioned children".....

1st off....

Do I love my kids? Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

I'm not even going to justify that question by getting into it...anyone who has read my blog for the last 2 years knows how much I love my kids..etc...

My blog is my medium...it is creative writing...I spend all day in conversation with my children...we discuss potty, Max and Ruby...Selena Gomez...when I sit at this computer, pull this page up and stare at the flashing cursor...this is my creative time, my turn for adult conversation...one sided...but still....

As for foul language...I don't swear in front of my children...well..except for a few occasions...

1) Dropping a large jar candle on my toes..."oh shit that hurt"

2) When sending sexy pics of myself to Doug on his phone, I accidentally sent them to my aunt..."oh fuck"

3) After slamming the door on a Jehovah Witness after he told me my whole family was going to hell if I don't read The Watchtower magazine..."asshole'

And anyone that knows Doug....his use and frequency of foul language would make even the most scurviest sailor blush...even with a father of colorful language...we have only caught Hallie cussing on one occasion...she was about 4...she was playing house with her ken and barbie dolls..and while we weren't paying close attention to what she was doing...we did overhear the following exchange...barbie in one hand...ken in the other...Barbie being waved around frantically..and Hallie yelling "get the fuck out".....like barbie was telling ken to get the eff out of her house...Doug and I just froze, looked at each other and burst out laughing...probably not the best reaction...but really, what the hell are you supposed to do...you know its wrong but you just can't help yourself....like rubbernecking a car crash....

So being the mother of the year that I am...I took Hallie aside and asked her what she said...she had no clue..convo went something like this...

Me: "that word you just used, that's the F word"

Hallie: "whats the F word?"

Me: "well, its a bad word"...

Hallie: "whats the F word"?

Hallie: "why is it bad"?

Hallie: "what is the F word?"

Hallie: "am I in trouble?"

Hallie: "whats the F word?"

Me...thinking to myself..this is requiring more effort than I thought, should have left it alone...

Me: "its a bad word that starts with the letter F...you said it a few minutes ago...I don't want you saying it again'

Hallie: "why?"

Me: "its a word that is not nice to say...only big people can say it...when you get older you can say it as much as you want"

Hallie "OK, I will say it when I am bigger"

Me "good idea"

Hallie "will I get in trouble if I say it when I am bigger?"

Me: "No, not when you are bigger"

Hallie: "good, I will say it all the time when I am bigger"

Me: *face palm*

The whole discussion was likely pointless...as I don't think she even knew what she said...but to this day...I have not heard her swear again in my presence...but really, I think the bigger issue at hand was why barbie wanted ken to "get the fuck out"?

I gotta run...the kids have chewed through their straps...

Peace!

A perfect mommy?

I feel like this post will be all over the place so bear with me...

Is there such a thing as a "perfect mother"?

You know....mommies that seem to have their shit all together...

I know that I am not...and I really don't even try to pretend that I am...and I'm not gonna lie some days I need to take a sedative to deal with the little monsters I've created..I think they call that Ativan parenting...do I advocate this method of dealing with your children? No, but if popping a pill now and then or having a glass of wine prevents you from snapping and locking your kids in a cage...

I might have birthed 3 kids...but mothering does not come natural to me...it might have to do with the fact that I don't like kids in general...sure, I love mine to death...but get me around a group of unfamiliar ankle biters and I squirm...yes, I love my little darlings, but when I get them all tucked away and asleep at night..I'm so happy I do the cabbage patch....its Amanda time! Mothering is something that I have to work at...and I have to say, its the hardest job in the world...I mean there is a reason they say "its takes a village to raise a child"...except where is my village when I need it....though I am married..some days I feel like I am a singe parent...my husband works 12 hour days, 7 days a week...and when he is home...he has things he wants to do..so while he is home, I still have to wrangle the kids while he tinkers in the garage..etc..I get a tad resentful sometimes...I need a break too...I would like to be able to sort the laundry without half of it being turned into a fort...in order for me to clean and organize one room in the house..I have to let them destroy another...its all so counter productive...sometimes I just want to enroll the kids in daycare and go to a "job" all day...least I would be able to have a conversation with someone over the age of 10...get to have a proper lunch break..and the alone time on the drive home would be worth the price of admission...

I'm not a bad mother...but sometimes I get sloppy...there was once a week when none of my kids had a bath...they might go 2-3 meals without any real vegetables...there might be a day when all they do is watch TV, sometimes they have a sippy cup full of unwatered down juice, their diaper might not get changed right away and my 3 year old still rocks a pacifier, ....all that might make some mothers recoil in horror...meh, that's just how I roll *shrug*

To be fair, I suffer with arthritis...if we have a damp day..I can barley move..hence the watching of TV all day...I might cook a meal with vegetables, they just wont eat them..I don't force the issue...

Do I wish I could be one of those mothers...the ones with 2.5 kids...they seem to have it all figured out...kids are always well groomed, they are enrolled in soccer, hockey and ballet...they have perfectly planned meals..and their home does not look like a bomb went off....they might appear to have it all together but are things really as they appear?

My kids might be a little dirty, they might lack a carrot now and then...but they are loved...they get tons of hugs and kisses all day...they get a story read to them every night...they know that I am always there for them...their needs come first, mine second...

And that brings me to my next issues...mommy guilt and our propensity to judge other mothers...mommy guilt...if I know the kids are going to Doug's mother for the night..I get giddy...I count down the minutes until their asses are out the door...I plan with great relish what I am going to do....then it hits me...MOMMY GUILT...what if something happens when they are gone...then I will have to live with the rest of my life knowing that I was so happy to see the backside of them when I shouldn't have wanted them to leave so bad...as far as putting them in childcare to go to work...I know that I would feel guilty because I leave them all day so I can go do something for myself...I know most mothers don't have much choice..its either daycare all day or no food on the table or a roof over their heads...in my position it would not be a choice for financial reasons...though that may change...and why as women and mother's do we need to judge each other...I'm guilty as charged on this offence...you read something about something happening to a child..you think.."wow, shitty mom"....mom may not be shitty...she may have just made a bad decision...it happens to all of us...I know if I have Leah out and she has her pacifier in her mouth...I'm sure some look at me and shake their head and think "a pacifier at her age..whats wrong with her mother"....ummmm...there is nothing wrong with me..I just think if she want her pacifier she can have it...Leah knows her sookie days are numbered...but if we are out and she starts screaming for it, I give it to her...its just not a big deal to me...different strokes for different folks...mothers should be supportive of each other...we are raising the next generation and it ain't easy....

Bottom line is...I think most mothers try to raise their kids right and do the best they can...for some its a struggle....some get overwhelmed and don't know how to ask for help...its a slippery slope...

If my kids grow up and don't become axe murderers or work the streets for a fix...then will I sit back and think I have done a bang up job!