Gone....

My dad passed away at 11:30 this morning...

He was at home...it was very peaceful, he was surrounded by his loved ones...

His suffering and pain is over....

Now the pain of his loss begins....

Hanging on....

My "dad" is still with us...I use dad in quotation marks..it is just my dad's body...

Palliative care came over...the Dr told us it would be hours to days...this was a few days ago...so I would expect him to pass today...my parents wedding anniversary and my closest friend's birthday...not a day we want him to die...but that's not up to us is it?

He has been made comfortable and unaware...he has had nothing to eat or drink in about 72 hours...

I just want to shout out to the Palliative Care team from the VG here in Halifax...they are wonderful compassionate people and also the metro VON...

My mother, brother and I went to pick out a urn for him yesterday, we decided on one he would like, I also got a heart necklace that will have his ashes in it..so I can have him with me always and also a little keepsake urn for my house...he wanted his ashes buried with his parents on Prince Edward Island...we will sprinkle some of his ashes on my sister's grave and also on his lakefront property that he wanted to retire too...

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words...it means a lot...

This world was not deserving of such a kind, gentle honorable man...

Heaven will be getting a new angel soon....

A dark place...

My dad is at the end....God, help me...it kills me to see him so sick...

I pray it will be over soon...this is what it has come to...praying for the death of your father...

I'm angry at God...if it is your will to take him from this earth- fine, just please don't make him suffer...

I just want to say a big FUCK YOU to cancer!

The tears flow so easily and frequently.... I cry so hard I suffocate myself..I make myself vomit

I know he will be going to a better place, he will be made whole and we will have a glorious reunion someday...

I keep thinking this is a horrible nightmare...I will wake up and see my dad, he will be sitting in his lazy boy eating lays and watching a western...I will tell him about the horrible dream I had, he will laugh and tell me I'm nuts...

Can this really be happening to me, to us...to my children? How will I explain to my 8 year old that her grandad is gone..she is too young to understand the finality of death...my 2 year old will wonder where her grandad went...my 9 month old will not even notice...

Cancer was always someone else's problem...why I would think God would spare my family, I don't know...we are no more better or special than anyone else... I always heard about other people's loved one passing from it, and I would think...that must be so devastating..I'm so lucky...well my luck has run out...

I have now become a statistic...I will lose a loved one to cancer...

But you can bet your asses I will be a champion for cancer research and funding...my dad and the millions of others will not die in vain....I will devote my life to finding a cure for this horrible disease...

Please keep my dad in your prayers....

Fast like lightening...

You won't believe it....


I got a new computer...brand spankin new...

And this bitch is fast....

A honkin' biiiiiiiig screen...


I'm so excited, and I even got some photo editing software...

I'm trying to get all my media uploaded from the other 2 old hard drives that we were using and get those pics that I promised...

I also forgot to tell you, I got a new tattoo a few weeks ago...its for my dad..I will post a pic of that too...I love my tattoos...I have 3 now and plan to get at least 2-3 more..they all mean something special to me...





Have a great friday!

New Years Resolutions....

First off...my computer has come down with another virus...so we are running in safe mode...which means I can't get new pics uploaded off my camera...so there will be a few missing from today's lineup...have no fear...I do have a few on backup...


Yes, you read that right....New Years Resolutions...for me, the start of September and the school year always feels more like a new year should...a fresh start on things..new clothes and school supplies...getting back into old routines...making new ones...I love cleaning my house out in the fall..

So..this September is going to be my New Year...out with the old and in with the new...I've already made several resolutions....using only reusable items in Hallie's lunch...water bottle, cloth sandwich and snack bags...cloth napkins...I've cleaned out one closet in my house...who needs 9 sets of bed sheets? Not me? I've whittled it down to 4 queens...and 2 singles for Leah's bed!

I would be too ashamed to show you my hand soap and candle collection...so come September I am not buying any more candles or hand soap until I *GASP* run out!!!!!!! Sersly, its an addiction...

And what would a new years resolution be without the obligatory "fitness" resolution...well my blogger buddy Erica (who had the most amazing body) she let me in on her fitness routine...so yep, come September..I've got to get my fat ass back in shape...

So enough with the random writing...you want to see some pics...that's why you came eh?


I mentioned Leah had a birthday..she turned 2..




Blowing out the candles with auntie Lindsay


James enjoyed the balloons, or rather.. the sticks on the balloons...



People often ask me how I get the 2 of them to nap..this is mostly how naps are...

Leah lovin her blue sunglasses...

I can't get the other 2 photos up that I wanted to post...Hallie's new hair cut and James' 9 month photo...maybe when hubs gets home from work he can get them off the camera ...I am begging for a new computer...this running in safe mode is for the birds...

So I think that's an adequate catch up...we don't really have any plans for the rest of the summer...we would like to get a night of camping, even just setting the tent up in the yard..I think the kiddos would like that...oh, and James had some blood work last week...his hemoglobin was 97 which is super duper...he goes in a few weeks to the hematologist for his official test for spherocytosis...I don't think he has the disease..he is doing so well...so far at 9 months..he has only had 3 blood transfusions....Hallie at 9 months..she had about 7-8....Leah beats them all...at 2 years, she has only had 2 blood transfusions....

Well..my time is up...off to a picnic today...the 3rd (or maybe 4th or 5th) annual Mosher/Whynot reunion..gonna eat some hodge podge....so yummy...hodge podge is a Nova Scotia thing...fresh vegetables from the garden cooked in a yummy cream sauce...so good...and Jen's mama...she makes chocolate cream cheese cupcake thingys....the best!

Have a wonderful Sunday....kiss and hug everyone you love!