Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas in Heaven...

This will be my 1st Christmas without my dad...I am not sure how I will hold up on the 25th..he was there every Xmas for 32 years...he did not care about what gifts he got, he always got so much joy with us kids and the grandkids..

Doug's grandfather passed away today...he had recently been diagnosed with cancer..he lost his battle..

I found this poem...I thought it would be perfect to share...


My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless
Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
I can't count the blessing or love
he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
Wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year


From my family to yours...Merry Christmas...


Friday, December 17, 2010

Scary Birthday!

Here it is....the long awaited and seriously overdue pictures...

Up first...Halloween...

Hallie in her costume...she was a deer vampire queen..


The whole family...I went as Snookie devil, Doug was Gingy from Shrek..James was a pony *so cute* and Leah was an Angel..








A few pics of the kids wearing some random Halloween mask...







Birthdays:

James' 1st Birthday...



A banner Aunt Jen made...



His cake...

The birthday boy eating his cake...it took him a few minutes for him to realize that he was allowed to touch it...





Hallie's 9th Birthday..


Hallie is into deer at the moment...so she asked for a deer cake...Doug got creative and made one...I think it turned out really good...



A stuffed Rudolph that we got her from Costco..for her other gift we got her an ipod...





And just a few random Leah pics....




Making a funny face..





That's it..I do have some video that I will embed later in this post..they are still uploading on YouTube..




Have a great weekend..I will be wrapping presents this weekend..fun! I am being sarcastic, if any of you remember my Xmas post from last year..you already know I hate Christmas..














































Edited to add...I am not sure why the page is so long...





























































































































































































































































































Monday, December 6, 2010

Time.....wtf is that?

Okay, I have to update my blog...I am running out of excuses...gee..my fingers were broken..

No, seriously...I am sure most of you have jumped ship already..

But having 2 kids under the age of 2 and a half is keeping me pretty busy..especially since James had decided to start this whole walking business...I made him swear he was going to wait until he was 2...

So, I owe 2 birthday posts and a Halloween and random pics..

I promise they will be posted soon...


Sunday, November 14, 2010

If I only had a hammer...

I am trying to put up the videos and pics from James' and Hallie's birthdays and the pics from Halloween...

But technology hates me today..I have to upload the pics one at a time, and then upload the videos onto youtube then put them here...its a whole days work...

Check back tonight, if the little terrors allow me, I should be able to get them on...




Sunday, October 31, 2010

James..a year in pictures...

A look back on my little mister over the last year...


James...one month...









James...two months..














James...three months..











James...four months...








James..five months...








James..six months...








James...seven months...








James..eight months...





James...nine months..






James....ten months...





James...eleven months....





James....twelve months...







I am still in the process of uploading the birthday pics and movies...I got a new camera, a Canon Rebel T1i..and I have to figure out how the damn thing works.. if anyone knows of any websites with tutorials or great editing software, I would love to check them out..





Hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween..we are all dressing up tonight, so look for those pics to be posted soon..

I had 82 posts in 2009..so I am on a challenge to get to 100 posts in 2010..I think I can do it!





Have a great Sunday!





BOO!






























































Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Mommy humor...

I've been posting some depressing stuff..thought I would lighten it up a little..



I read this on the internet somewhere...Erica, if your reading this...I thought of you and all your problems getting cupcake to sleep..its a note written by a baby for other babies...enjoy!

Dear Babies,

OK, here’s my situation. My mommy has had me for almost 9 months. The first few months were great - I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night.

Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep through the night).

At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I’ve talked to other babies, and it seems like it’s pretty common after mommies have had us for around 6 months. Here’s the thing: these mommies don’t really need to sleep. It’s just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep - they just don’t need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.It goes like this:

Night 1 - cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it’s hard. It’s hard to see your mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it’s for her own good.

Night 2 - cry every 2 hours until you get fed. It's exhausting, but you can do it.

Night 3 - every hour.

Most mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These mommies may stand by your crib for hours, patting and shhhh-ing. Don’t give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!!If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night.

I KNOW IT’S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change.If you have an especially stubborn mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to be committed and just go for it.

I'll stress again: BE CONSISTENT!I cried for any reason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. I saw a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn’t eaten pears since lunch, what’s up with that? Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed off the walls. Too hot, too cold, just right - doesn’t matter! Keep crying!!It took a while, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your mommies’ internal clocks.

P.S. Don’t let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

Oh and babies, I would like to add that if ANYONE else looks after you for the night, whether its your daddy, granny and grandpa, mommies friends you should ALWAYS sleep through the night. That way no one will have any sympathy for your mommy and she will have to look after you every night. Do not break her training because she really doesn’t need a night off….

Sincerely,
Baby


And I also read this joke on the internet too..its for all of us who have had to deal with cranky, screaming babies when out shopping..etc

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved young grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for whatever takes his interest as they walk through the aisles.
Meanwhile, the grandfather is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "easy, William, we won't be long . . .. easy, boy.." Another outburst, and she hears the man calmly say, "it's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little boy is throwing items out of the cart, and the grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes;
stay cool, William."
As the woman goes outside she sees the grandfather loading his groceries and the boy into a car. She approaches and says to the elderly gentleman, "it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive your grandson got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William....that little bastard's name is Steve."


Today my baby boy turned one *sob*

Time has gone so fast..the last year was a rough one..with my dad getting sick and passing away..etc..

Anyhoo, I am having his party tomorrow night..as he got his 12 months vax today..I just know that he will be miserable with a fever tonight..

So I will update on Wednesday with his party pics..

Have a great day!






Monday, October 18, 2010

Bittersweet...

Wow, 2 post in 2 days..I realized that doing this blog is very therapeutic..I feel much better after writing out all my thoughts..even if nobody reads them...Erica and Jennifer, thanks so much for the kind comments you always post..I love reading your blogs, and Erica..your little ones are too cute, especially your little guy..I can't wait for James to get that age..it will be so much fun!

Anyhoo, bittersweet..yes, it is...

Those that know me IRL(in real life) know that my family has been living with my dad at his house for the last 10 years on and off, Doug and I did have an apartment at one point..but my dad got sick about 5 years ago, and we decided to move in with him..his house is like 5000 square feet, huge backyard and pool...and he was alone, so it only made sense..I did the cooking and cleaning, Doug did all the maintenence..etc..But with adding to our family, we always wanted to get a place of "our own"..not that I minded living with my dad, but it was still his house, his rules had to be respected and we had to put up with his "company" coming over..I had always dreamed of having my own house to decorate, James and Leah were sleeping in our room..2 babies in your room every night is a real romance killer..etc..but with our financial situation, me not working, Doug at school, 3 kids..it was not possible..but when my dad passed..his house became our house..finally "our own"...so its is bittersweet..I finally got my own house but how I got it was not the way I imagined..I would rather have my dad with me and live in a tin can..but it is what it is...so for the last few months Doug and I have been renovating the house..it looks completely different...not because I wanted to change the way my dad had it..but because it was dated and had not been fixed up in 20 odd years...we put in new windows, painted all the walls, replaced all the old wood molding with new white stuff..we ordered new patio door, new front door, put an electric fireplace in...I am doing it all with my dad in mind, what he would have liked..and I hope he does like it...Doug and I finally have our own room..no kids allowed, although I can't say its helped the romance any..I go to bed at 10pm and he stays up until 2 am..

So, I am trying to get some pics uploaded of the house..some before and after pics..

In the meantime...here is a scary Leah...she is practicing for Halloween..




Have a great Monday!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Anger..and boobies

I've always viewed death as "when your time is up, its up" and I always sort of fell into the category of " whats meant to be, will be" and "things happen for a reason"..

But since my dad passed away, I don't know if I believe those things anymore..I was not ready for my dad to leave, and I don't think he was either..it is easier to grieve knowing that he is not in pain anymore and we did have a chance to say goodbye..but I still have yet to find a reason, for lack of a better word, as to why he died..I guess right now I can't look beyond my sadness to see the bigger picture, and maybe as time heals my pain and thinking about my dad becomes easier, I will see things differently..has anything good come from my dad's death? Yes, there has..my brother and I are now closer...we talk, we hug..its brought me closer to my husband and children...its made me see my dad as more than my dad, its time to honor him...tell those good stories..share the best memories...its made my life more fuller and meaningful...because I know it can all be gone tomorrow...when I tuck my children into bed every night, I do it as if it could be the last time..there are never too many hugs and kisses..

Anger, now where did that come from? If you have read a majority of my blog you know that I am not religious, I am very spiritual...I do believe in God..and I am angry with him, my dad was not done here on earth, he was supposed to dance with my daughters at their weddings and watch James drive one of his water trucks..and I know your all thinking right now " but Amanda, he will see those things, just not as your or I do"..save it and I am sick of hearing "God needed your dad" or "God only takes the best" ...um, I'm not buying it folks...if God is so almighty and powerful etc...he does not "need" anybody, and as for God only taking the best...what is that saying...the rest of us are only alive because we are assholes?

So I need to ask you all a favor, help keep my dads memory alive and help me as I strive to find meaning, and find more positives...please support cancer research, protect skin from the harmful rays from the sun etc...get all those suspicious moles and spots on your skin checked out by a doctor..it only takes a few minutes and it could save your life...

While I am on the topic of cancer research, I am really getting annoyed with all the hype of breast cancer...pink EVERYWHERE..October is boob cancer month..when is skin cancer month? Now please don't think I am belittling breast cancer..I'm not, I get it kills millions of people a year, but that's not the only cancer..and really they are making so much money off this pink ribbon...they make pink coffee pots for breast cancer, you can now wipe your ass with pink toilet paper, which I would not advise women and girls using frequently because the dye can really irritate lady parts..

So please, raise money, save money to help cancer research so that maybe a child will someday not lose their grandad from this horrible disease..if you can't do that..there are other ways to help...visit your local cancer centre and ask if they need anything..I know some patients are in the hospital away from home, while they are in the city for treatment often times the family has to stay in a support house..call and see of anyone needs food, clothing, toiletries..if you have a lot of hair consider getting it cut and have the hair donated to locks of love..you get where I am going with this..

Anyhoo..

Here are some pics of my little darlings

Leah...not quite sure what she is doing here...



Found this little elf or clown hat in with some old Halloween stuff, cutest elf ever!




Hallie on her picture day at school..


My dads headstone..he is buried with my grandparents and also his brothers that died when they were babies..I would like to think he is with them all having a grand ol' time..behave yourselves..





My two boys....








Have a great Sunday!

Monday, October 11, 2010

2 Months...

Dear Dad,

Its 2 months today that you passed on...some days it feels like 2 years and some days it feels like 2 minutes..

We miss you..we miss your laugh and your wacky sense of humor..Leah misses hugs from her grandad..well, we all miss everything..

And you are missing a lot too...but I do have a sense that you are keeping a close watch on things..and I hope you like the renovations I am doing to your house..lol..I think you would!


I don't have time to write out a long post, but just share a few pics..

This is my tattoo that I got in memory of my dad..he owned a water business so I thought water drops would be most appropriate..they are also my tears...



A new necklace that I got..3 little eggs in my nest...for my 3 little hatchings...


A pic of James...(Holy crap, he will be 1 in a few weeks..eek!)





And dad, this is what I got to put your ashes in...so you are always close to my heart..Leah will come up and hold it in her hands and put it close to her heart and say "Grandad's heart" and give it a kiss...and yes, I sob everytime she does it!




Dad, you missed Hallie's first day of school..so here is a pic of her..






James' 10 month photo...he is turning into such a little boy...I will make sure that he knows who is Grandad is/was...and I know you will be watching proudly as he has his first drive in the water tuck!







I hope that gets everyone a little up to speed..I know I have been a bad blogger, but once I get back into it, I will post more often..my camera broke..etc..so check back soon...its not like you have anything better to do..eh?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

On the way...

A huge update is in the works...

We are in the middle of hurricane Earl at the moment..power is going on and off...

I've missed you all and I hope you have not abandoned me...






Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Gone....

My dad passed away at 11:30 this morning...

He was at home...it was very peaceful, he was surrounded by his loved ones...

His suffering and pain is over....

Now the pain of his loss begins....

Hanging on....

My "dad" is still with us...I use dad in quotation marks..it is just my dad's body...

Palliative care came over...the Dr told us it would be hours to days...this was a few days ago...so I would expect him to pass today...my parents wedding anniversary and my closest friend's birthday...not a day we want him to die...but that's not up to us is it?

He has been made comfortable and unaware...he has had nothing to eat or drink in about 72 hours...

I just want to shout out to the Palliative Care team from the VG here in Halifax...they are wonderful compassionate people and also the metro VON...

My mother, brother and I went to pick out a urn for him yesterday, we decided on one he would like, I also got a heart necklace that will have his ashes in it..so I can have him with me always and also a little keepsake urn for my house...he wanted his ashes buried with his parents on Prince Edward Island...we will sprinkle some of his ashes on my sister's grave and also on his lakefront property that he wanted to retire too...

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words...it means a lot...

This world was not deserving of such a kind, gentle honorable man...

Heaven will be getting a new angel soon....



Sunday, August 8, 2010

A dark place...

My dad is at the end....God, help me...it kills me to see him so sick...

I pray it will be over soon...this is what it has come to...praying for the death of your father...

I'm angry at God...if it is your will to take him from this earth- fine, just please don't make him suffer...

I just want to say a big FUCK YOU to cancer!

The tears flow so easily and frequently.... I cry so hard I suffocate myself..I make myself vomit

I know he will be going to a better place, he will be made whole and we will have a glorious reunion someday...

I keep thinking this is a horrible nightmare...I will wake up and see my dad, he will be sitting in his lazy boy eating lays and watching a western...I will tell him about the horrible dream I had, he will laugh and tell me I'm nuts...

Can this really be happening to me, to us...to my children? How will I explain to my 8 year old that her grandad is gone..she is too young to understand the finality of death...my 2 year old will wonder where her grandad went...my 9 month old will not even notice...

Cancer was always someone else's problem...why I would think God would spare my family, I don't know...we are no more better or special than anyone else... I always heard about other people's loved one passing from it, and I would think...that must be so devastating..I'm so lucky...well my luck has run out...

I have now become a statistic...I will lose a loved one to cancer...

But you can bet your asses I will be a champion for cancer research and funding...my dad and the millions of others will not die in vain....I will devote my life to finding a cure for this horrible disease...

Please keep my dad in your prayers....


Friday, August 6, 2010

Fast like lightening...

You won't believe it....


I got a new computer...brand spankin new...

And this bitch is fast....

A honkin' biiiiiiiig screen...


I'm so excited, and I even got some photo editing software...

I'm trying to get all my media uploaded from the other 2 old hard drives that we were using and get those pics that I promised...

I also forgot to tell you, I got a new tattoo a few weeks ago...its for my dad..I will post a pic of that too...I love my tattoos...I have 3 now and plan to get at least 2-3 more..they all mean something special to me...





Have a great friday!