Anger..and boobies

I've always viewed death as "when your time is up, its up" and I always sort of fell into the category of " whats meant to be, will be" and "things happen for a reason"..

But since my dad passed away, I don't know if I believe those things anymore..I was not ready for my dad to leave, and I don't think he was either..it is easier to grieve knowing that he is not in pain anymore and we did have a chance to say goodbye..but I still have yet to find a reason, for lack of a better word, as to why he died..I guess right now I can't look beyond my sadness to see the bigger picture, and maybe as time heals my pain and thinking about my dad becomes easier, I will see things differently..has anything good come from my dad's death? Yes, there has..my brother and I are now closer...we talk, we hug..its brought me closer to my husband and children...its made me see my dad as more than my dad, its time to honor him...tell those good stories..share the best memories...its made my life more fuller and meaningful...because I know it can all be gone tomorrow...when I tuck my children into bed every night, I do it as if it could be the last time..there are never too many hugs and kisses..

Anger, now where did that come from? If you have read a majority of my blog you know that I am not religious, I am very spiritual...I do believe in God..and I am angry with him, my dad was not done here on earth, he was supposed to dance with my daughters at their weddings and watch James drive one of his water trucks..and I know your all thinking right now " but Amanda, he will see those things, just not as your or I do"..save it and I am sick of hearing "God needed your dad" or "God only takes the best" ...um, I'm not buying it folks...if God is so almighty and powerful etc...he does not "need" anybody, and as for God only taking the best...what is that saying...the rest of us are only alive because we are assholes?

So I need to ask you all a favor, help keep my dads memory alive and help me as I strive to find meaning, and find more positives...please support cancer research, protect skin from the harmful rays from the sun etc...get all those suspicious moles and spots on your skin checked out by a doctor..it only takes a few minutes and it could save your life...

While I am on the topic of cancer research, I am really getting annoyed with all the hype of breast cancer...pink EVERYWHERE..October is boob cancer month..when is skin cancer month? Now please don't think I am belittling breast cancer..I'm not, I get it kills millions of people a year, but that's not the only cancer..and really they are making so much money off this pink ribbon...they make pink coffee pots for breast cancer, you can now wipe your ass with pink toilet paper, which I would not advise women and girls using frequently because the dye can really irritate lady parts..

So please, raise money, save money to help cancer research so that maybe a child will someday not lose their grandad from this horrible disease..if you can't do that..there are other ways to help...visit your local cancer centre and ask if they need anything..I know some patients are in the hospital away from home, while they are in the city for treatment often times the family has to stay in a support house..call and see of anyone needs food, clothing, toiletries..if you have a lot of hair consider getting it cut and have the hair donated to locks of love..you get where I am going with this..

Anyhoo..

Here are some pics of my little darlings

Leah...not quite sure what she is doing here...



Found this little elf or clown hat in with some old Halloween stuff, cutest elf ever!




Hallie on her picture day at school..

My dads headstone..he is buried with my grandparents and also his brothers that died when they were babies..I would like to think he is with them all having a grand ol' time..behave yourselves..

My two boys....

Have a great Sunday!