A perfect mommy?

I feel like this post will be all over the place so bear with me...

Is there such a thing as a "perfect mother"?

You know....mommies that seem to have their shit all together...

I know that I am not...and I really don't even try to pretend that I am...and I'm not gonna lie some days I need to take a sedative to deal with the little monsters I've created..I think they call that Ativan parenting...do I advocate this method of dealing with your children? No, but if popping a pill now and then or having a glass of wine prevents you from snapping and locking your kids in a cage...

I might have birthed 3 kids...but mothering does not come natural to me...it might have to do with the fact that I don't like kids in general...sure, I love mine to death...but get me around a group of unfamiliar ankle biters and I squirm...yes, I love my little darlings, but when I get them all tucked away and asleep at night..I'm so happy I do the cabbage patch....its Amanda time! Mothering is something that I have to work at...and I have to say, its the hardest job in the world...I mean there is a reason they say "its takes a village to raise a child"...except where is my village when I need it....though I am married..some days I feel like I am a singe parent...my husband works 12 hour days, 7 days a week...and when he is home...he has things he wants to do..so while he is home, I still have to wrangle the kids while he tinkers in the garage..etc..I get a tad resentful sometimes...I need a break too...I would like to be able to sort the laundry without half of it being turned into a fort...in order for me to clean and organize one room in the house..I have to let them destroy another...its all so counter productive...sometimes I just want to enroll the kids in daycare and go to a "job" all day...least I would be able to have a conversation with someone over the age of 10...get to have a proper lunch break..and the alone time on the drive home would be worth the price of admission...

I'm not a bad mother...but sometimes I get sloppy...there was once a week when none of my kids had a bath...they might go 2-3 meals without any real vegetables...there might be a day when all they do is watch TV, sometimes they have a sippy cup full of unwatered down juice, their diaper might not get changed right away and my 3 year old still rocks a pacifier, ....all that might make some mothers recoil in horror...meh, that's just how I roll *shrug*

To be fair, I suffer with arthritis...if we have a damp day..I can barley move..hence the watching of TV all day...I might cook a meal with vegetables, they just wont eat them..I don't force the issue...

Do I wish I could be one of those mothers...the ones with 2.5 kids...they seem to have it all figured out...kids are always well groomed, they are enrolled in soccer, hockey and ballet...they have perfectly planned meals..and their home does not look like a bomb went off....they might appear to have it all together but are things really as they appear?

My kids might be a little dirty, they might lack a carrot now and then...but they are loved...they get tons of hugs and kisses all day...they get a story read to them every night...they know that I am always there for them...their needs come first, mine second...

And that brings me to my next issues...mommy guilt and our propensity to judge other mothers...mommy guilt...if I know the kids are going to Doug's mother for the night..I get giddy...I count down the minutes until their asses are out the door...I plan with great relish what I am going to do....then it hits me...MOMMY GUILT...what if something happens when they are gone...then I will have to live with the rest of my life knowing that I was so happy to see the backside of them when I shouldn't have wanted them to leave so bad...as far as putting them in childcare to go to work...I know that I would feel guilty because I leave them all day so I can go do something for myself...I know most mothers don't have much choice..its either daycare all day or no food on the table or a roof over their heads...in my position it would not be a choice for financial reasons...though that may change...and why as women and mother's do we need to judge each other...I'm guilty as charged on this offence...you read something about something happening to a child..you think.."wow, shitty mom"....mom may not be shitty...she may have just made a bad decision...it happens to all of us...I know if I have Leah out and she has her pacifier in her mouth...I'm sure some look at me and shake their head and think "a pacifier at her age..whats wrong with her mother"....ummmm...there is nothing wrong with me..I just think if she want her pacifier she can have it...Leah knows her sookie days are numbered...but if we are out and she starts screaming for it, I give it to her...its just not a big deal to me...different strokes for different folks...mothers should be supportive of each other...we are raising the next generation and it ain't easy....

Bottom line is...I think most mothers try to raise their kids right and do the best they can...for some its a struggle....some get overwhelmed and don't know how to ask for help...its a slippery slope...

If my kids grow up and don't become axe murderers or work the streets for a fix...then will I sit back and think I have done a bang up job!