Looking back over my life, I think I went through more than enough "tough" times...
When I was a child...my parents divorced...it was tough to deal with....
Struggling to find myself as a teenager...I had acne, glasses and braces...enough said!
Ending the teenage years...graduating university, ending a long and borderline abusive relationship..it was tough....
My early twenties found me married and a mom...my baby was placed in the NICU for a week or so....that was tough..
My dad having liver failure and essentially "dying" until a donor could be found....yeah, that was tough...
Forward to having 2 more babies, and those babies also placed in the NICU for weeks...yep, you guessed it...tough...
But nothing has prepared me for watching my dad suffer with cancer...everything else pales in comparison...I don't think there is anyway to describe it....its like taking a car and stripping it, you can take all the doors and shit off, rip the motor out...and its still a car, but yet it can't possibly function or drive like a car....well, you get the point...
My dad...bless him, is the strongest, gentlest and greatest man I will ever have the privilege to know...and if you know him too, consider yourself very lucky...I have never seen my dad angry or even really mad...he keeps the same serene composure... yes, he has his skeletons...but who doesn't?
I read the obituaries everyday, hey..I am over 30...life is uncertain....there was one obituary that stood out...a beautiful 52 year old mother of 3...lost her battle with cancer...and when they write battle, it really is a battle....anyhoo...they had a photo of her...she was beautiful, you can tell she was so happy and full of joy and life when it was taken...but I bet when she died, there was no beauty...she was probably rail thin, in constant pain...too drugged to have a quality conversation with loved ones....cancer is an efficient thief....
One year ago, my dad could hear, he could see, he could taste food and enjoy eating...he could drive, he could put in a whole days work if he had too...and most importantly, he could get on the floor and play with his grand kids, also give them a good chase too....
I don't have "that" dad anymore....cancer took that dad from me, but I guess I am still left with all the good bits, the important bits...his love
Cancer: you won't win the whole battle... you can't take his love, his generosity and his determination and his memory...
I love you daddy....and we will soldier on together....
No comments:
Post a Comment