My reaction to a reaction....

Well, well...I got my first hate mail *woot,woot* I feel so proud!

It went something along the lines of...that "I must not love my kids if I call them little monsters"...and something else about "using too much foul language when talking about mentioned children".....

1st off....

Do I love my kids? Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

I'm not even going to justify that question by getting into it...anyone who has read my blog for the last 2 years knows how much I love my kids..etc...

My blog is my medium...it is creative writing...I spend all day in conversation with my children...we discuss potty, Max and Ruby...Selena Gomez...when I sit at this computer, pull this page up and stare at the flashing cursor...this is my creative time, my turn for adult conversation...one sided...but still....

As for foul language...I don't swear in front of my children...well..except for a few occasions...

1) Dropping a large jar candle on my toes..."oh shit that hurt"

2) When sending sexy pics of myself to Doug on his phone, I accidentally sent them to my aunt..."oh fuck"

3) After slamming the door on a Jehovah Witness after he told me my whole family was going to hell if I don't read The Watchtower magazine..."asshole'

And anyone that knows Doug....his use and frequency of foul language would make even the most scurviest sailor blush...even with a father of colorful language...we have only caught Hallie cussing on one occasion...she was about 4...she was playing house with her ken and barbie dolls..and while we weren't paying close attention to what she was doing...we did overhear the following exchange...barbie in one hand...ken in the other...Barbie being waved around frantically..and Hallie yelling "get the fuck out".....like barbie was telling ken to get the eff out of her house...Doug and I just froze, looked at each other and burst out laughing...probably not the best reaction...but really, what the hell are you supposed to do...you know its wrong but you just can't help yourself....like rubbernecking a car crash....

So being the mother of the year that I am...I took Hallie aside and asked her what she said...she had no clue..convo went something like this...

Me: "that word you just used, that's the F word"

Hallie: "whats the F word?"

Me: "well, its a bad word"...

Hallie: "whats the F word"?

Hallie: "why is it bad"?

Hallie: "what is the F word?"

Hallie: "am I in trouble?"

Hallie: "whats the F word?"

Me...thinking to myself..this is requiring more effort than I thought, should have left it alone...

Me: "its a bad word that starts with the letter F...you said it a few minutes ago...I don't want you saying it again'

Hallie: "why?"

Me: "its a word that is not nice to say...only big people can say it...when you get older you can say it as much as you want"

Hallie "OK, I will say it when I am bigger"

Me "good idea"

Hallie "will I get in trouble if I say it when I am bigger?"

Me: "No, not when you are bigger"

Hallie: "good, I will say it all the time when I am bigger"

Me: *face palm*

The whole discussion was likely pointless...as I don't think she even knew what she said...but to this day...I have not heard her swear again in my presence...but really, I think the bigger issue at hand was why barbie wanted ken to "get the fuck out"?

I gotta run...the kids have chewed through their straps...

Peace!

A perfect mommy?

I feel like this post will be all over the place so bear with me...

Is there such a thing as a "perfect mother"?

You know....mommies that seem to have their shit all together...

I know that I am not...and I really don't even try to pretend that I am...and I'm not gonna lie some days I need to take a sedative to deal with the little monsters I've created..I think they call that Ativan parenting...do I advocate this method of dealing with your children? No, but if popping a pill now and then or having a glass of wine prevents you from snapping and locking your kids in a cage...

I might have birthed 3 kids...but mothering does not come natural to me...it might have to do with the fact that I don't like kids in general...sure, I love mine to death...but get me around a group of unfamiliar ankle biters and I squirm...yes, I love my little darlings, but when I get them all tucked away and asleep at night..I'm so happy I do the cabbage patch....its Amanda time! Mothering is something that I have to work at...and I have to say, its the hardest job in the world...I mean there is a reason they say "its takes a village to raise a child"...except where is my village when I need it....though I am married..some days I feel like I am a singe parent...my husband works 12 hour days, 7 days a week...and when he is home...he has things he wants to do..so while he is home, I still have to wrangle the kids while he tinkers in the garage..etc..I get a tad resentful sometimes...I need a break too...I would like to be able to sort the laundry without half of it being turned into a fort...in order for me to clean and organize one room in the house..I have to let them destroy another...its all so counter productive...sometimes I just want to enroll the kids in daycare and go to a "job" all day...least I would be able to have a conversation with someone over the age of 10...get to have a proper lunch break..and the alone time on the drive home would be worth the price of admission...

I'm not a bad mother...but sometimes I get sloppy...there was once a week when none of my kids had a bath...they might go 2-3 meals without any real vegetables...there might be a day when all they do is watch TV, sometimes they have a sippy cup full of unwatered down juice, their diaper might not get changed right away and my 3 year old still rocks a pacifier, ....all that might make some mothers recoil in horror...meh, that's just how I roll *shrug*

To be fair, I suffer with arthritis...if we have a damp day..I can barley move..hence the watching of TV all day...I might cook a meal with vegetables, they just wont eat them..I don't force the issue...

Do I wish I could be one of those mothers...the ones with 2.5 kids...they seem to have it all figured out...kids are always well groomed, they are enrolled in soccer, hockey and ballet...they have perfectly planned meals..and their home does not look like a bomb went off....they might appear to have it all together but are things really as they appear?

My kids might be a little dirty, they might lack a carrot now and then...but they are loved...they get tons of hugs and kisses all day...they get a story read to them every night...they know that I am always there for them...their needs come first, mine second...

And that brings me to my next issues...mommy guilt and our propensity to judge other mothers...mommy guilt...if I know the kids are going to Doug's mother for the night..I get giddy...I count down the minutes until their asses are out the door...I plan with great relish what I am going to do....then it hits me...MOMMY GUILT...what if something happens when they are gone...then I will have to live with the rest of my life knowing that I was so happy to see the backside of them when I shouldn't have wanted them to leave so bad...as far as putting them in childcare to go to work...I know that I would feel guilty because I leave them all day so I can go do something for myself...I know most mothers don't have much choice..its either daycare all day or no food on the table or a roof over their heads...in my position it would not be a choice for financial reasons...though that may change...and why as women and mother's do we need to judge each other...I'm guilty as charged on this offence...you read something about something happening to a child..you think.."wow, shitty mom"....mom may not be shitty...she may have just made a bad decision...it happens to all of us...I know if I have Leah out and she has her pacifier in her mouth...I'm sure some look at me and shake their head and think "a pacifier at her age..whats wrong with her mother"....ummmm...there is nothing wrong with me..I just think if she want her pacifier she can have it...Leah knows her sookie days are numbered...but if we are out and she starts screaming for it, I give it to her...its just not a big deal to me...different strokes for different folks...mothers should be supportive of each other...we are raising the next generation and it ain't easy....

Bottom line is...I think most mothers try to raise their kids right and do the best they can...for some its a struggle....some get overwhelmed and don't know how to ask for help...its a slippery slope...

If my kids grow up and don't become axe murderers or work the streets for a fix...then will I sit back and think I have done a bang up job!

Feeling hungry?

I'm sure you have heard about the current famine situation in Somalia...maybe not considering much of the real "news" is overshadowed by which celebrity is banging who...

I really don't understand how in this day and age...a child...any child...any place can be hungry....

How much food does the free world throw out and waste on a daily basis...

My brain does not compute...

I'm as guilty as the next person for wasting food...we all do it...how many times a day do I go to the fridge...stare at shelves of food...sigh and complain I have nothing to eat....shame on me...

Shame on us all....

I know habits are hard to break....its not like when we eat our supper...we think "oh there is a child somewhere starving...I should eat all my food and not waste it"

I went to the supermarket today...I loaded my cart up with cupcakes, chips, ice cream (and fruits and veggies) Its just sickening at all the shit we can buy that we don't need...ice cream is fun and yummy...but we don't need it....

And somewhere a child does not have access to the basic of nutritional necessities....

It boggles me that something cannot be done...locally there are places, stores and restaurants that donate leftover food etc...to the soup kitchens and homeless shelters..can not someone with a plane fly food over there...I know I know...its not that easy....these children need special diets, they need IV nutrition....

Did that picture shock you?

Will that picture make you think twice about the food you waste?

If you have answered yes to both questions....

Good....that was my intention...

Go to sleep tonight and be thankful you have a full belly....

Its now Saturday morning....I just have to add...this morning I saw an ad run on TV for famine support, you know the ones..showing those helpless children..playing the ominous music and they tell you "if you don't pick up the phone and donate right now, those kids are as good as dead" Then following this ad.. there was an advertisement for some all you can eat buffet restaurant...really broadcast editors...could you not have found some other filler...like an advert for depends....then when I go online the big news of the morning is that some Hollywood slut's father just purchased her a house for $85 MILLION....the mind boggles...have fun keeping that clean bitch!

Long summer days...

Hai guise! *that's a shout out to you Hallie*

I'm not sure if I have blogged about my intense dislike for summer...the heat being the number one reason, and its not even really hot where I live...but anything over 20 degrees and I am miserable....Also, James wakes up with the roosters at 5am because it is broad daylight out...and yes, I really hear roosters in the morning...and the kids refuse to go to bed by 8:30pm because..yep...broad daylight...I yearn for the 7am and 4pm darkness....come on winter...come to mama! I also have the inability to use an oven in the summer..its either bbq'ed or cold...love the winter...slaving over the warm cook top...frying up some animal-helper..or throwing a hunk of meat in the slow cooker...I'm ready for fall...like yesterday...I stare longingly at my fall themed candles and hand soap...yes my pretties...soon!

I have been thoroughly disgusted with the events this past week in Norway...I can't even begin to imagine...those kids on the island...witnessing their friends being shot and killed...I usually go on and on about this stuff...but I really can't....my brain can't process the horror...I know Norway does not have the death penalty...but I say fry the fucker...let all those parents have a go at him...If someone brutally murdered my child...I would kill them, or Doug would...one of us would...the other parent would have to raise the other two...I live in Canada..the most time served for murder would be 2-3 years...I would plead insanity and be out on good behavior after 7 months...

I'm trying to remember if I have read somewhere that he ( Norwegian psychopath) had been hearing voices or whatever...I always wonder...you hear of people acting cray cray...they always say "I heard voices telling me to decapitate the kitten" Why do these people never hear voices telling them something along the lines of "take your meds".

Looking forward to this weekend...my sister in law is coming over for a sleep over Saturday night while Doug and his brother go to the U2 concert....Sunday we are all going for a picnic...I'm not telling where..in case I have any stalkers...hehehe...I gotta lay off the true crime stuff before I go cray cray...

Its in Chester....come by and say hi....

Have a grand one all.....

T & A

DISCLAIMER

If you are offended by nudity please stop reading here....

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED....

Growing up, my parents were not shy about nudity...this does not mean that they pranced around the house naked...but if I happened to walk in one of them changing etc...it was no big deal...my mom will still strip down in front of me if necessary and we both went topless when we were in the Dominican Republic...I'm also trying to teach my children that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of...so that they may avoid any body image issues when they are older....I leave the door open when I go potty(only because the beat the hell out of the door if I close it) I get dressed and undressed in front of them...when Hallie is in the tub I will go in and help her wash her hair..etc...with Hallie and Leah I don't think I would ever have a problem seeing them nekkid well into womanhood...there will come a point with James where seeing him without clothes would become awkward...I was always allowed to watch movies with sex scenes...as a matter of fact, my mom took me to see Pretty Woman in the movie theatre when I was 12 years old...

I guess the whole point of this post is to say...that I was not a sheltered child...I was pretty much allowed to do anything as I pleased... at 15 I was able to sleep over at my boyfriend's house....separate rooms mind you but still...I was also allowed to drink before I was legally able to do so...I was given some wine with meals or if there was a celebration of some sort. Because I had permission to do all that...it made me a tad less rebellious...my peers growing up were not allowed to date...so they had to sneak around...they were not also permitted to touch alcohol..so when they did get their hands on a bottle of booze...they drank till they puked and passed out...in my opinion is that if you tell a teenager they are forbidden to do anything...it will make them crave it and more determined to piss you off...

Perhaps I will be "one of those parents"....you know, parents that would rather be friends with their kids instead of being a parent...which is not what I plan to do obviously..but it goes beyond that...talk to your kids...let them ask questions...educate them about the birds and the bees..when Hallie is old enough to understand sex...I will discuss birth control options...because you know...I'm not living in some fantasy land where I think my daughters won't have sex until they are married....Jesus, are some parents really that disillusioned...I watch the train wreck "16 and pregnant" show....its really unfucking believable how many of those parents do not educate their kids about birth control...I caught one episode where the Dr asked the mother of the pregnant 16 year old...why she was not informed about condoms..etc...so the mom casually remarks that she was too embarrassed to talk to her daughter about sex...well slap me sideways...yeah because being a grandma at 40 isn't embarrassing!

I used to work in a medical clinic...and I had tons of girls come in for pregnancy tests...here are just a few of the gems...

"I didn't think I could get pregnant the first time"

"He was supposed to pull out"

"I stood up for a hour afterwards, so I thought that would prevent pregnancy"

"I didn't realize you need to take the pill everyday"

"I thought I could just pee the sperm out"

And here is the best one....this one teen girl came in, she wasn't pregnant, but she had a severe vaginal infection....because her boyfriend told her that if she squeezed mustard up her hooha that would prevent pregnancy...yes, I threw up a little in my mouth too...also, one teen girl came in with a possible STD scare, and she did have one...Dr asked about her boyfriend, she says that he picked up an STD from a toilet seat and would not even think about screwing someone behind her back...Dr told her that the type she had was not transferable by toilet seats...dumb bitch still refused to think about her cheating boyfriend..

Just think, all those girls above may not have ended up pregnant if only for some information from their parents, or some other sex education program...

Where I live is super Conservative...we have 1 strip bar and a few sex shops...just a few weeks ago one of those sex shops, which happens to be a very classy place and promotes education and safe sex...well they put an ad in our local paper, and in that ad they put a picture of a vibrator..the people here were so outraged...how dare they publish a sex toy in our family newspaper? One woman was so mad because her 15 year old daughter may have seen the ad and would be running out to buy one.. What about the innocent children that would be scared for life upon seeing that? First off, a young child should not have any clue what a vibrator is or what it is for..and for the mother of the 15 year old...her seeing the ad would have been a great time to discuss sex..etc...the parents here also make a big hullabaloo if there is a sex shop opening..I mean come on people....when I visited Amsterdam, there were sex shops everywhere...and lets not forget this the same city that has the red light district and allows you to smoke a joint in a coffee shop...yet somehow, Amsterdam has some of the lowest teen pregnancy and STD rates in the 1st world...makes you wonder eh?

Moving along...

In other news...Doug and I decided to get a Savannah cat for Hallie..we put a deposit down for the kitty in February..the mommy cat didn't get pregnant in the spring...the breeder just contacted me to let me know that the cat is pregnant now and the kittens will be ready in November...if your not familiar with Savannah cats, look to the picture below...its just basically a smaller domesticated version of that...

And that my friends is also why you should never wear flip flops to work...you never know when you will need to run....

There is a link on my sidebar..click on it and it will take you to Courtney and Tripp's blog...I've been following them for over a year...I love Tripp as if he was my own child...his health has been deteriorating and his mom has had to make gut wrenching decisions regarding his treatment...if you could pop on over to her blog and leave a kind word that would be awesome...even better...say a little prayer to whichever God/Deity you believe in..may it help him getting over this slump..and give Courtney strength...Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB) Another blogger posted that EB is the worst disease that nobody has ever heard of...I would say that's an accurate description..I always visit Tripp's blog when I get into a funk...seeing that little boys smiling face..it instantly makes me happy...he can't see...eat, talk and walk and in constant pain...but this little guy keeps smiling...Courtney had posted a video of him playing his little toy drums...it was amazing..he knew where each drum was and he kept in tune the whole time...he really is a miracle baby...considering Courtney was told at the time of his diagnosis that he would only live a few months...he is well over 2 years old now...

Anyhoo...

Have a fab Sunday...I need to go do my chores!

Boys will be boys...

So my first two spawns were girls...you know, "sugar and spice and everything nice"

Hallie was a chill baby...she was a late walker, but even so...she never got into anything...if I told her to stay somewhere she did...she had so many health issues though...she likely had no energy to misbehave...

Leah...she wasn't as mellow as Hallie....a little bit busier but still well behaved..she listened and if she did try to run off, a simple holler for her to come back usually worked....

Now James....

If I have ever been out somewhere and spotted a child on a leash, I always did a "why in the ever loving fuck" do these parents put leashes and harnesses on their child...it just seems so wrong...like equating your child with a dog...

So this past Sunday....my mom and myself, Leah and James went up to the campsite to pick up Hallie...they were tented in a big field layout...the minute I put James down the little bugger would run off...and the closer I got to him...he would squeal and run faster....so I would chase him down and drag him back to where I was sitting....I couldn't let him run off as there were cars and that moving about....the minute I sat my ass back down in the chair he would bolt again...I would wave my arms and scream for him to stop....he would simply glance back at me, non verbally tell me to go fuck myself and run for all he was worth....

So, I thought to myself...next time I bring you back here I will fix your wagon....I will get one of those leashes...and if you continue to run off I will snap you back like a German Shepherd...

Its been a quiet week....weather has been nice...we have relatives flying in on Friday...so I need to get my house clean and organized for when they drop by...

Laterz!

New Start!

I'm not going to apologize for being a most horrible blogger...the last few months have been crazy for me..highs and lows...mostly lows..but I'm back *picks myself up and dusts off* I made a promise to myself that I am going to rejoin the land of the living and be a frequent blogger!

I've been dealing with bouts of depression...which I think is grief most days...its almost a year since I lost my dad *sniff* Some days I get by and some days I don't...some days I love thinking about my dad, and smile as I recall some memory or other...some days I break down and sob thinking of some memory or other...I'm not sure if this is all normal when grieving, maybe...Some days I seem to be in denial that he is really gone...like maybe I really am in a dream..or I will hear a car pull up and immediately think..."dad is home"...the mind loves to play tricks...I will say grief does put a positive spin on some things...I've lost 60lbs since January!

Anyhoo...I've got so much to update I should get into it before my reading my post becomes a 2 day endeavor...I think it will be easiest for me to work backwards...current events before past ones...

The girls (Leah and Hallie, in case you forgot) went camping (in a cabin) with my mom (she don't do tents) and other relatives this week...I was quite surprised Leah went with my mom as she has been in a clingy stage and wouldn't even leave us overnight..but she went and stayed, she is home now but Hallie decided to stay a few extra days and will be back tomorrow...here is a pic of them with Boo Boo bear...I'm not sure where Yogi bear was...off looking for his pic a nic basket or maybe getting busy with Cindy bear in the woods...Leah has been telling me all about her trip...roasting marshmallows...bumper boats..merry go rounds...all that crap kids love...

OK...major event #2....Doug graduated! I am so proud of my husband....this man is a high school dropout (he may or may not get pissy with me for announcing that to the world) and he graduated from a 2 year aviation engineering program...were talking scientific math and physics people! I have high school and 2 university degrees and I don't know if I could pull that one off! Doug was quite a bad boy when I met him 13 years ago, that's what attracted me to him...I only planned to have him around as my summer boy toy, but I fell in love and fell pregnant but we will be having our 10 year wedding anniversary this September..eep...and he is still my boy toy!

Big event #3....Leah had her 3rd birthday! It was hot the day she was born and it was hotter than normal on her birthday...she wanted a Thomas Train cake, so Doug...being the Betty fuckin Crocker that he is...made one for her...God, my husband is so full of win...he will work 12 hours a day and come home and bake and design a cake...

Also, Hallie is going into grade 4 this September...I really can't believe that I will have a 10 year old in a few months...not long now for the the teenage emo angst...can't wait!

I think that is really about all that has been happening in Mosherland...pretty uneventful summer so far...I do plan to get totally trashed next weekend...its been about 10 years since I've been really drunk..and when I mean drunk, I mean like my clothes start coming off and my dancing takes on a whole new level of jiggity...good times for sure...I just really need to get out...

Peace!